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Sometimes I believe talking about god, mythologies, pilgrimage, Indian culture is easy, for one can talk in any way he is capable of and still find no dearth of listeners. It is at the same time risky too. One should not unwittingly tread a path that is seemingly offensive. I have taken special care not to sound critical. Humorous--oh yes, humour is after all the creation of god like the feeling of devotion. I just thought I can adopt the tone for this post.
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| Holy n Heavenly |
All of us
know that the function of a thermometer is to indicate the temperature of human
body. So why can’t we invent another instrument called Dharmometer to
measure the critical level of dharma to ascertain one’s need for a pilgrimage? Nowadays
people crowd before gods just like that; bigger the crowd before a particular god
more is His reputation. Isn’t it? A question just crops up: Does a big crowd gather
before a god because He is famous or, conversely, does a big reputation accrue to
a god because a big crowd gathers in front of Him? In this world of social
networking, celebrities reinforce their celebrity-status by building up a
follower base. But then how can we say that gods are like humans, working
overtime to build up their following? Do they have to tweet snippets of
blessing/prediction/assurance to their followers day in, day out? Be that as it
may, the way crowd gathers before gods for a darshan proves that we badly need
to restrict the inflow of pilgrims by using some out-of-the-box solution. Here nothing
would be as effective as this wonder instrument called Dharmometer. In fact,
we can control the crowd using this instrument even before it builds up. The idea
is so very simple. The security officials, instead of frisking the devotees when
they approach the place of pilgrimage, would only measure the level of dharma
in one’s person. If they find the level critically low, they must allow him or
her to go ahead and undertake pilgrimage to replenish it or else show him the
return way. The security officials should be copiously trained and legitimately
empowered to test that. It is high time we invented the machine. Necessity is
the mother of all inventions—now or never. Because we have not invented this
wonder instrument of Dharmometer so far, nowadays, irrespective of the
need of dharma, any Tom, Dick and Harry head for the pilgrimage. Result: many
of them just lose their lives in stampede. [Aha! You’ve guessed it right! I’m
not one among those devotees that got injured (died ?) in a stampede in
Tirupati last Saturday.]
Writing something
like this, don’t I sound mighty sanctimonious after I myself paid a visit to
Tirupati last Saturday? I am sure a Dharmometer test would have
disqualified me. Yet in this pre-Dharmometer era, I could pay a visit to
Tirupati…and I’m happy about that. I saw a crowd that was nothing if not maddening.
The steel barricades for enforcing queue-discipline had not dampened the enthusiasm of the
devotees. Quitting their beds at those ungodly hours, those bleary-eyed devotees
were standing in the queue and stealthily passing their filthy wind. They were
not to blame for that, for sleeping little ever meant digesting less. Even the
so-called VIP devotees who had purchased this favour of being a VIP by paying
500 rupees were also in thousands, each trying to prove their un-VIP status more
funnily than the other, shoving, pushing, nudging and squirming as they lingered
on in the serpentine queue. Many of us had come there without any real need to
be there. Had there been a Dharmometere we would have failed in the
dharma test very much like non-serious sports persons failing in their dope tests.
Lord
Venkatesawar, the presiding deity of Tirumala hills, is struggling since time
immemorial to repay his own loan that he took from the god of wealth, Kuber. Devotees
help him to repay by offering money in his Hundi. Still the lord is indebted to
Kuber, even to this day. There is a glass-enclosed verandah, just behind the
sanctum sanctorum, where so many priests are busy in counting cash day in, day
out. There is endless wealth, poor and rich alike pay the lord.
People
believe that by paying the lord one becomes rich whereas I believe that by
praying god one could be rich, not by paying him. But where was the time to
pray before him? Despite my status of being a VIP [Rs 500/=], I had only 5 second
of darshan. I had not gone mugging up a prayer to chant before him in 5
seconds, so I could not pray to become rich. So the only way left was to pay
the lord and become rich. Did I actually end up paying Him? I would not
disclose that much of personal dealing with my lord; even my poetic licence
would not allow me to do that!
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| Serene n Striking |
Truth be
told, I could not see the lord with an observant eye of a writer. My mental image
of Him continues to be the same two-dimensional calendar picture that I have
seen of him in n number of places. Lord Balaji is everywhere--even on the windscreen of a car. That day I was just pushed and pulled and
shoved and driven away from god by those mighty crowd controllers inside the
sanctum sanctorum. I felt hurt, insulted, but there was nobody to blame. I
calculated if I had got my share of darshan or not. Yes, I got 5 seconds
whereas my share was just 2.88 seconds. Would you like me to work that out arithmetically?
Well, here goes the calculation. A day has 24 hours X 3600 seconds = 86,400 seconds.
There were at least 30 thousand people waiting to get darshan of the lord. So,
my share of darshan should be 86, 400 / 30,000 = 2.88 seconds. Against this I
managed to get 5 seconds of darshan. Didn’t I get more than my share? So I
decided not to sulk, for sulking was too childish.
Oh yes, while
returning I met a person in the train who was returning from his pilgrimage of
Tirumala hills like me but many times happier than me because he did a super
VVVVIP darshan at 2 AM at night. An ungodly hour? Forget these English phrases—they
are quite irreligious in their connotations!! What did the fellow actually do to be a
bigger VVIP then me? He is a property dealer in Coimbatore with a smiling wife
and two sleepy sons and then what is unknown to a property dealer these days? So he did
the booking six months in advance, paid a fee of 1000 rupees to avail himself
of that wonderfully exclusive privilege. He was happily recounting that only 300-400 people
were allowed and he had a crowdless view of the lord between 2 AM and 4 AM
of Saturday. Well, early bird catches the worm, and it should always be true.
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By
A N Nanda
Coimbatore
31-05-2012
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